Nothing is Real
Word count: 1386
Rating and warnings: T
Description: A painful waking up followed by shame.
Alex tried to open her eyes, but they were stuck shut. A moment later she tried again and managed to open them for a little gap, but immediately she shut them against the harsh lighting.
“Detective Eames, are you all right?” she heard from somewhere but couldn’t fix the direction.
“Cap?” she tired, but resigned. Her tongue was pasted to the roof of her mouth and wouldn’t detach.
“Thirsty…” she croaked, and a moment later there was a straw between her lips. She thankfully sucked the cool liquid. After a few deep gulps she tried to open her eyes one more time.
Alex blinked toward her captain, who sat into a chair, next the bed she laid in. She fixed his face with her eyes and noted the smile on his lips and also the concern in his eyes.
“What’s going on…? Oh…I feel so sick.” Alex sat up, but fell back into the pillow. “My head…I feel so queasy,” Alex choked, rolled on her side and threw up the remains of her lunch into the kidney dish Danny held to her mouth.
“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.
“Everything is fine, Eames. Take another sip of water and wash your mouth.” Danny held her the cup with the straw and patted her forehead with a moist sponge. Alex nodded and rinsed her mouth. Her captain brought the dish away and was back again in the next moment.
“Where am I?”
“New York Methodist.”
“Oh my head…I have such a splitting headache.” Alex massaged the bridge of her nose, then her eyes shot open.
“I slept with Bobby…oh my god…I had sex with him…”
“Sure!...I still feel his tongue…inside me,” Alex whispered, and she cried quietly, turned on her side away from Ross and sniffled into the uncomfortable pillow.
“Look Eames…Alexandra…you didn’t have sex with your partner.” Ross scooted the chair a bit closer Alex’s bed and laid his hand on her shoulder. “We saw the tape…you two were very close…very intimate, but you didn’t complete the…the act.” Danny swallowed hard.
“A…a tape?” Alex screamed, and turned to stare at her captain again.
“Calm down, please calm down.” Danny spoke slowly. He’d want to calm his detective and ease her stress. “There was a camcorder on the wardrobe in the hotel room we found you two.” He bit his lips. “You and Goren had to be too close to someone. We think he or she gave you something, to knock you out, to get you out of the way. Wheeler and Logan are on the case. They will find the one who laid his hand on both of you.”
“Yes, the drugs…what was it…what was in our blood?”
“A new combination of rohypnol to make you dizzy, a PDE-5-inhibitor to make you potent and Sodium-Thiopental. This made you only say the truth. I can’t believe that you both were so strong to…to do…nothing. The dose rate was immense.”
Alex snuffled; NOTHING was not the word she would use, cunnilingus hit her brain over and over again.
“Please tell me, what do you remember, Detective.”
Alex closed her lids again and pressed her eyes. “I wanna see Goren home…Where is Bobby?”
“In another room, talking with Logan and Wheeler.”
“Good…it was so cold. He shouldn’t ride the subway.”
Danny nodded, but was silent to let Alex continue.
“We stopped by O’Malley’s. We wanted to drink something, just to…to close the day.”
“What did you order?”
“Eh’hem…I took a tea…something fruity and Bobby had a beer…no, only a soda. We both wanted no alcohol. We were not in the mood…”
“Okay, we think that you got the meds with your drinks.”
“It’s the only way…we didn’t consumed something else. Oh no, in the squad we had something warm, too but Bobby made it and our trip have started there, wouldn’t it?”
“Yes, we checked this, too but the kitchen of the Major Case is clean. What happened after you ordered?”
“We got our drinks and then…then…I don’t know…everything is black after this…” Alex said desperately. “…the next I remember is…Bobby and I…naked…on a big bed…we…we…oh dear, we did things…sexual things,” she sobbed. “We kissed each other. There was stroking…dirty talk…oral parts…but we knew that there was something wrong. We called 9-1-1.”
“The uniformed found you at nine p.m.”
“One and a half hours after we entered O’Malley’s…where were we?”
“In a hotel…a flophouse on Lefferts Avenue.”
Alex groaned. “Did you find my car?”
“Yes, it was still on Ocean Avenue, in front of O’Malley’s.”
“How did we get to the Leffert Avenue? These are 1000 ft, minimum.”
“We don’t know.” Danny said sheepishly. The case was too hot. They had too little information.
“What was on the…on the tape?” Alex asked disgustedly.
“We couldn’t see who you brought to the hotel. The tape starts and you both were alone…still naked…being tender to each other.” Danny cleared his throat.
“Mike and Megan are on the case?”
“Good, they are both very good.” Alex tried to sit up a second time in the bed, this time it worked, her head didn’t feel like it was going to explode.
“You saw the tape?”
“Wheeler and I…”
“He didn’t want to see you both…in such a situation…only if you both will someday invite him to a session.” Danny tried to make a joke of it. “Those were really his words.”
Alex bit her lips. “Why a tape?”
“Maybe for blackmailing?
“Goren, can you repeat it one more time?” Mike asked. Bobby, Megan and Mike were in another hospital room, Bobby still in his hospital gowns he had to wear during the checkups.
“No Logan, we did it five times. I can’t remember how Eames and I came into this hotel.”
“Okay, we’ll talk with the manager of this doss house and we’ll visit O’Malley’s,” Megan said softly, touching Bobby’s arm. “I’ll leave the room, so you can change into your own clothes. I’ll take a look at Alex…do you want to come see her later?”
Bobby lowered his gaze, shaking his head. “I…I can’t…can’t look into her eyes…after all. What I did with her…I used her…I was not strong enough…I used her,” he stammered, sank back onto the edge of his bed.
“No, this is not true, Goren,” Mike said, laying his hand on Bobby’s shoulder. You were as strong as human possible. There were so many drugs into your body. It is a miracle that you two did not…not…have still sex with each other.”
“You both shared many caresses, yes…” Megan started, “…but your brains told you that there was something not okay. You called someone for help. Nothing happened…nothing you have to be uncomfortable with. Watch the tape, I gave you. Alone, or maybe with Alex, but please talk with her, she will understand.”
“First I have to be alone, okay Wheeler? Tell her I’m sorry…really sorry.”
Megan nodded and left the room. She arrived Alex’s room and heard. “Please Captain, don’t separate us…Goren and me…” Alex lay in her bed, was curled like a foetus and sobbing quietly.
“I won’t Eames, not because of something like that. You both were forced into this and even if you and your partner would have an intimate relationship. There is nothing I could do, okay? So Detective, the doctor told me you could leave the hospital when you want. I think Wheeler will see you home. I’ll check in your partner one last time and then I’ll drive to Major Case to force the investigation. You can take a week off…Bye.”
Megan took the seat Danny had been sitting in.
“You saw the tape.”
Alex turned and looked at Megan.
“…arousing.” She blushed a bit.
“Ross saw it, too?”
“He was professional the whole time.”
“Could you see everything…like my gynaecologist sees me…like Bobby saw me?”
“No…no…the camera was a few meters away. We could see your sides…breasts, butts, bellies, Bobby’s member, but the camcorder detected nothing between your legs.”
“Where is he?”
“I think in his room.”
“Will he come to me?” Alex asked wistfully.
“I think not…he is too shy…thinks that he used you…he believes he raped you…”
“No…no…” A single tear ran down Alex’s cheek. “First he wants to be alone, to think about everything?”
“You know him well.”
“I’m his partner…”